Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
even my farts smell like vagina
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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