none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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