He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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