You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize