So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize