my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize