He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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