I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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