I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize