I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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