bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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