So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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