I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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