I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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