After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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