I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
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Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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