dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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