I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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