Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Im part way to drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize