Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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