dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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