I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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