After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am one with the molecules
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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