mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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