my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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