I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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