He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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