This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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