in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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