this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize