Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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