Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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