I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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