There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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