plz talk dirty to me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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