laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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