he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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