I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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