whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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