the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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