Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
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You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
two words: eviction party
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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