Christians are straight up FREAKS
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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