You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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