I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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