How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
These tits shall not be calmed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize