mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize