One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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