The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need to calm my uterus...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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