He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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