There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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